C is for cancer

Quick note before you panic, no I don't have cancer. Deep breathe everybody and read.

So we found out the Mini's great grandpa is dealing with cancer. Which you could say well it's not you mama or your husband so what's the big deal. Especially as you don't come from a super close family that all lives up the road from each other.

 The big deal is just that we aren't a super close family. I don't live just up the road. What I can do is really limited especially since I can't afford to travel cross country. You might than ask why if you care why  don't you have him move out so you can care for him. My answer to that is I feel that as long as he is confident in the care and treatment he is receiving than we need to support that course of action his is most comfortable with. As long as he is able to make the decisions it's not my place to make those choices. When he can't make those decisions for himself it will be the duty of his children. I'm not washing my hands of the matter I am just trying to find my place and accepting the process.

So hence the guilt and the worry because there is really nothing else to do. Sure I can text, call, and be encouraging. I can be supportive to the rest family too. So now we are at acceptance and waiting. Waiting to see how treatment goes. Waiting to for the next steps we have to take. I guess I should be glad that Mini is still young enough that I don't have to explain what is going on to him. It's kind of a blessing. There is also the worry that this is going to be one more member of family that he won't know. One more void that will be part of his normal.

C is for cancer, it's also for crappy; as in cancer is crappy. I know not a super profound thought but I don't feel profound. I feel inadequate and pinning on a ribbon won't make things better, if it does for you great. Maybe in time I will reach that point too. I don't even feel anger. It would be easier to be angry if one wasn't aware that cigarettes have been linked to cancer. It's not a mystery so one can't go on a crusade for a cause. There is a crusade for a cure and maybe I will feel militant later but at this moment I just feel meh and that's ok, because c is also for cope.