For a lot of people I keep hearing how it's not the most wonderful time of the year. At times I have to agree with them. When I was a child Christmas was filled with wonder and joy. Today I was sitting and thinking what made it so different? The more I thought it wasn't about the presents and we didn't rush about buying things. Instead there was that wonderful anticipation of time together. Of a huge meal that we would share. Ideally after dinner us kids would put on far to many layers in our concern to go sledding. Than we would come in from the cold and eat cookies before we each went home from the big family gathering to our homes. Our trunks weren't full of shiny new presents, instead maybe a bag or two of grandma's cookies and some leftovers so we could have an easy dinner. It wasn't commercial but it was comfortable.
This year I had to make the Christmas Eve run to the grocery store. I knew it would be stressful and hectic. However I expected some peace and good will from all it is almost Christmas after all. Instead I spent my time darting and dodging. Seeing people parked across aisles to call whomever to see what else they needed to load into full shopping carts. Which I get sometimes you forget that one thing but pull to the side and let the rest of us proceed. I heard few pleases or thank yous from people interacting with store clerks. Many of those clerks who happened to be working incredibly hard were apologizing for the time things took when we were mid mad house. Which I would agree is usually my response to people who are looking at me irate. Yet every clerk I dealt with was pleasant and professional still even the most stressed. Finally we finished in made it to the car and what should appear but a cart parked into the side panel. I get it someone's time was more precious than the time it would of taken to walk the extra 10 feet to the cart return. It was a relief to gather up the free cart and my own and walk to the return just so I could be done and know no one else would experience such a surprise.
I did my best while I was inside to spread the Christmas cheer. At the service counter since I desperately needed stamps after mailing Christmas card I used my manners, a please, thank you, and yes Merry Christmas to you too. I was told it was just nice to have someone use their manners this time of year. I replied how can I teach my toddler to use his if I don't use mine, every time? Each member of the Winco team I saw on the floor and interacted with was pleasant and festive. Many a staffer had on one or more fun pieces of flair. I don't know if it was policy but they sure seemed to be having enjoying themselves for being at work on Christmas Eve. To the lady who forgot her purse and was a dollar short for Christmas dinner fare. When I say I got you lady I got you. I'm not St Moe (all though it does have a ring) and we aren't rich but tis the season. It's what I would want someone to do for me if I was looking at putting back part of my holiday fare.
I know this post has become a bit of a ramble but I guess what I am saying is we let ourselves be miserable. We try so hard to cover all the bases that we see glorified we forget the reason for the season. (Wait don't think Moe is going to try and convert you or anything I firmly support everyone's right to be whatever makes them happy with the usual caveats ie no cannibalism etc.)The reason for the season is to gather around with those you love. It's not about opening a stack of presents and gorging until you are bloated and the gout flares up. Sure indulge a bit. Buy one or two of the things you want. However take a moment too to see what your neighbor (neighbor in the broad metaphorical way too not just the one next door) needs. It doesn't have to be things. It can be a kind word. A donation to the local food pantry. Put away the cart you see rolling in parking lot. Basically just try to be the best person you can be. Let your presence be the present.
Merry Christmas,
Moe
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Monday, December 22, 2014
A letter to mom from the stepmother
Hi there mom,
As a step mom I do get it you never wanted to see this other woman in your kid's and now ex-husband's life. I know when you married that you thought it was once and for all and forever. However that part of life for whatever reason didn't work out let's not continue about who's fault it was or the reasons why. I'm sorry and not sorry because thanks to that I have a wonderful man in my life and bonus children that I didn't have to go into labor for.
Here's the thing I never thought I would be a step mother. I never thought that at times I would be not co-parenting with one person but with at times 2-3. It can be hard and an endurance battle especially when we don't work together. While I do my best to be positive about your parenting choices and I'm sure you do about mine please communicate with us. If I need to go out and buy pads for the teenager it's a lot easier to have a warning text or call than to be dragged out of bed at midnight. Same goes with prescription drugs trust me I will make sure they travel between our houses no one wants to endure an epic winter of strep throat because someone was worried the antibiotics wouldn't make it back. Trust me them missing a dose or more is only going to escalate our problems. The same goes with parenting choices like bed time, chores, restrictions etc. If we don't talk I have no idea what is going on besides what the kids say and if you haven't noticed at times they can be pretty opportunistic about what they will claim is allowed at the other parent's house.
Secondly, I don't do things to be deliberately mean or cruel. I am doing my best to help turn them into responsible adults who will launch successfully into the world. So when I tell them something about hygiene practices, dress code, or behavior please support me and I will do the same for you. However what you may feel is appropriate for a 12 year old girl to wear and what I feel is appropriate may differ. Also please let me know correct sizes for bras and underwear while I have been co-parenting with you I am not comfortable with taking the girls to get sized. When we shop they go into the changing room alone. If a dress or jeans or shirt fits they come out and model it. I will continue being a prude about what they wear until they are the ones who are making the money to purchase the clothing. There are way to many people who objectify young women let's keep them safe.
Thirdly, please be on board and honest with the adult talks. I am going to provide them with the answers I know to be correct. Like the sex and menses talk. I have had to do that now with all three. I get it they were at my house when they got their first periods but a little support would be super. Like reviewing why we wrap the pad. It's all fun and games until my bathroom stinks and cat has a used pad stuck to his fur. The same about hygiene I hate being the one who has to remind the oldest boy that he gets a funk going. I will buy the articles for all of them. As in previous months and years I will even buy a duplicate for your home. Just encourage the use. If you don't need me to make the purchase just communicate.
Oh and school and activities are important. I'm sure you like us feel like a complete idiot when you hear about grades, sporting events, social events, and etc after they have passed. I don't need to be invited to the mommy and me tea but you can bet when the oldest who lives with us has something going on you will be told. All I ask is that if you can show up. If you can't call or text and say something kind or supportive. The same goes for the negative if you ground the girls at your house and it's time for the weekend switch tell us so we can follow the rules. The same when the boy looses privileges for poor grades. If you let him play on the video games all weekend at your house of course he's going to see the double standard.
We are in this together. We can either hate each other for the next 5+ years until all the children are successfully launched into the world or we can smile and repress our feelings in favor a semi functional working relationship.
Sincerely,
The other mother
As a step mom I do get it you never wanted to see this other woman in your kid's and now ex-husband's life. I know when you married that you thought it was once and for all and forever. However that part of life for whatever reason didn't work out let's not continue about who's fault it was or the reasons why. I'm sorry and not sorry because thanks to that I have a wonderful man in my life and bonus children that I didn't have to go into labor for.
Here's the thing I never thought I would be a step mother. I never thought that at times I would be not co-parenting with one person but with at times 2-3. It can be hard and an endurance battle especially when we don't work together. While I do my best to be positive about your parenting choices and I'm sure you do about mine please communicate with us. If I need to go out and buy pads for the teenager it's a lot easier to have a warning text or call than to be dragged out of bed at midnight. Same goes with prescription drugs trust me I will make sure they travel between our houses no one wants to endure an epic winter of strep throat because someone was worried the antibiotics wouldn't make it back. Trust me them missing a dose or more is only going to escalate our problems. The same goes with parenting choices like bed time, chores, restrictions etc. If we don't talk I have no idea what is going on besides what the kids say and if you haven't noticed at times they can be pretty opportunistic about what they will claim is allowed at the other parent's house.
Secondly, I don't do things to be deliberately mean or cruel. I am doing my best to help turn them into responsible adults who will launch successfully into the world. So when I tell them something about hygiene practices, dress code, or behavior please support me and I will do the same for you. However what you may feel is appropriate for a 12 year old girl to wear and what I feel is appropriate may differ. Also please let me know correct sizes for bras and underwear while I have been co-parenting with you I am not comfortable with taking the girls to get sized. When we shop they go into the changing room alone. If a dress or jeans or shirt fits they come out and model it. I will continue being a prude about what they wear until they are the ones who are making the money to purchase the clothing. There are way to many people who objectify young women let's keep them safe.
Thirdly, please be on board and honest with the adult talks. I am going to provide them with the answers I know to be correct. Like the sex and menses talk. I have had to do that now with all three. I get it they were at my house when they got their first periods but a little support would be super. Like reviewing why we wrap the pad. It's all fun and games until my bathroom stinks and cat has a used pad stuck to his fur. The same about hygiene I hate being the one who has to remind the oldest boy that he gets a funk going. I will buy the articles for all of them. As in previous months and years I will even buy a duplicate for your home. Just encourage the use. If you don't need me to make the purchase just communicate.
Oh and school and activities are important. I'm sure you like us feel like a complete idiot when you hear about grades, sporting events, social events, and etc after they have passed. I don't need to be invited to the mommy and me tea but you can bet when the oldest who lives with us has something going on you will be told. All I ask is that if you can show up. If you can't call or text and say something kind or supportive. The same goes for the negative if you ground the girls at your house and it's time for the weekend switch tell us so we can follow the rules. The same when the boy looses privileges for poor grades. If you let him play on the video games all weekend at your house of course he's going to see the double standard.
We are in this together. We can either hate each other for the next 5+ years until all the children are successfully launched into the world or we can smile and repress our feelings in favor a semi functional working relationship.
Sincerely,
The other mother
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