C is for cancer

Quick note before you panic, no I don't have cancer. Deep breathe everybody and read.

So we found out the Mini's great grandpa is dealing with cancer. Which you could say well it's not you mama or your husband so what's the big deal. Especially as you don't come from a super close family that all lives up the road from each other.

 The big deal is just that we aren't a super close family. I don't live just up the road. What I can do is really limited especially since I can't afford to travel cross country. You might than ask why if you care why  don't you have him move out so you can care for him. My answer to that is I feel that as long as he is confident in the care and treatment he is receiving than we need to support that course of action his is most comfortable with. As long as he is able to make the decisions it's not my place to make those choices. When he can't make those decisions for himself it will be the duty of his children. I'm not washing my hands of the matter I am just trying to find my place and accepting the process.

So hence the guilt and the worry because there is really nothing else to do. Sure I can text, call, and be encouraging. I can be supportive to the rest family too. So now we are at acceptance and waiting. Waiting to see how treatment goes. Waiting to for the next steps we have to take. I guess I should be glad that Mini is still young enough that I don't have to explain what is going on to him. It's kind of a blessing. There is also the worry that this is going to be one more member of family that he won't know. One more void that will be part of his normal.

C is for cancer, it's also for crappy; as in cancer is crappy. I know not a super profound thought but I don't feel profound. I feel inadequate and pinning on a ribbon won't make things better, if it does for you great. Maybe in time I will reach that point too. I don't even feel anger. It would be easier to be angry if one wasn't aware that cigarettes have been linked to cancer. It's not a mystery so one can't go on a crusade for a cause. There is a crusade for a cure and maybe I will feel militant later but at this moment I just feel meh and that's ok, because c is also for cope.

Why I don't do 30 days of Thanks

Let me start by stating hooray for everyone who makes an effort to post for 30 days things they are thankful. A double hooray for everyone who posts things that are honest and or funny. I do love that you make the effort. Please don't think I am writing this because I am an asshole.

I just don't do the 30 days of thanks because in honesty I have enough that I should be thankful the whole year round. Not just around this ne time of year. What I need to do rather than post on a Facebook wall for 30 days  is make sure that I stay mindful through out the year of the things I am thankful for. Even if it is things that aren't super awesome.

So here's my big list for this year:

• That The Hubs works like a mad man so I can work from home, go to school, and parent. That he comes home and parents and doesn't just say no that's womens work. He has never questioned a financial choice I have made even when I do. He also is the instigator of a lot of our fun. Also that he has never complained about my going back to bed with baby in the morning when he is leaving the house. I could of done much worst when it came to having a partner.
• That The Bigs exist. Yes they are a reminder that the hubs had a life before us. They also though are growing up to be semi decent (I would be an asshole if I said my kids were perfect and than you would all laugh at me). They love the Mini Man ( they also have yet to say what the hell old people you are to old to be having another baby). They feel comfortable enough to call this place home and admit in public that we are one of their sets of parents. Plus the oldest will let me tag him on facebook and doesn't feel ashamed of us yet (that we know of). I do try and keep their life on my blog minimal because I respect their privacy. So its more little highlights when they pop up I hope you understand.
• Mini Man is a healthy, happy, normal one year old. No he isn't composing works of Shakespeare and he still is nursing and isn't potty trained. He has made us laugh and smile more. Little man has a wicked sense of humor for one so young (the child appreciates a good fart joke) what more can I say.
• My extended family including my parents, in laws, out laws, cousins, aunts, uncles, and all you people that have become family regardless of us not sharing any kin folk or blood. You have to know that knowing you are there does my heart good. It doesn't matter if we are getting together on the regular or I see you once a year or once a decade. Thank you for being part of me and my life. I spent a long time isolated and I am better with you.
• Total first world things. That we have a roof over our heads and can afford to pay the bills. That we have enough to buy groceries we like to eat not just substance food. That I have a washer and dryer in our apartment so I don't have to wander to the laundry mat. The occasional cup of coffee and dinner out. You get the idea. There is a lot for me to be thankful for. We have enough and than some.

Oh and you of course dear readers, I am thankful for you.

Happy First Birthday, Miniman

Dear Miniman,

Tomorrow, is your first birthday! Happy birthday to you and Hooray we have made it through your first year. We are both a little older, a little wiser, and thankfully while you have grown bigger mommy has not.

My what a year it has been. It seems like just yesterday we brought you home from the hospital on a blustery Thanksgiving Thursday. My did we have a lot to be thankful for; including that dad managed to get the turkey in the oven so we could feast that evening. You have come along way from being a bundle I could hold in my arms to being an independent boy. The milestones along the way may seem to be mundane to others but to us they have been magical. The first time you rolled over, sat up, crawled, babbled, walked, and everything else. Even the messy stuff has been wonderful because it meant you were a healthy little boy. Every day I am grateful that I get the opportunity to share the joy of being part of your life. Thank you for being mine.

While I don't know for sure what this next you has in store for us. I have some ideas. I can't wait to share our next adventures even if it is trips to the pediatrician, runs to the grocery store, diaper expeditions, potty training, and other everyday things. You make the mundane an adventure.

If you are reading this in the future and wonder why Mommy wrote your birthday letter a day early its because I wanted to be able to spend tomorrow totally focused on just us. Doing the things that you enjoy. Plans for the day include sleeping in, a lunch date, plenty of play time, picking up your cake and other things you enjoy. Mommy is taking a day to celebrate you. No work, no distractions, just silly, sweet, shenanigans.

I love you,
Mom

Please just get them vaccinated

To start with I'd like to thank Toothpaste for dinner for putting it so eloquently. (P.S. I love you guys and if I have offended you by sharing in the blog post I will pull)

We live in the Portland metro area and while I respect your right to make parenting choices when your parenting choices affect my family it makes me sad. I'm looking at you whooping cough spreaders. While I know that vaccinations are not 100% effective and a cure all I would appreciate not having to wonder when I take my child out and about what am I potentially exposing him to because someone decided that little Timmy or Timantha doesn't need to be immunized for x, y, or z because well we live in such a progressive community and first world country.

There is a reason why we immunize. Just because your parents had you immunized against the big diseases doesn't mean they are gone it just means that there are fewer active cases around do to number of members of our society that have received the immunization for the disease. Your little Timmy or Timantha is not automatically immune and there fore has the ability to be a plague monkey spreading their germs all over. Which means  your parenting choice has now affected my parenting choices. So thanks for that. I will be spending the winter wondering as each new "outbreak" is made public if I have had interaction with someone you had interaction with. Should I be monitoring my little family and be prepared to go into quarantine mode at a moments notice?

That's right I said it quarantine mode. When we get sick we don't go out and about we bunker down. What better place for us to be sick than in our home rather than gallivanting all over. I would much rather puke in my home toilet and hope that I can get a Safeway delivery of groceries and Tylenol rather than run out and contaminate the Metro area.

So in conclusion, please do the big immunizations and pass me the hand sanitizer. It's germ season and I feel filthy. Also if you have a legitimate reason for not immunizing I can respect that but say something don't just hope on the we don't immunize band wagon because its the hip thing to do .

The first birthday fiasco

 

It's almost Mini's first birthday and I feel like a failure. Not at being a mother but at knowing how to handle the birthday shenanigans. Every year birthdays with the bigs have become more complicated what was once presents, take out, and cake has turned into  multiple celebrations to accommodate everyone's schedules and custody agreements. Add to that googling or hitting pintrest for first baby party ideas and seeing what other people are doing the next thing you know you know you feel like a failure of epic proportions.

 

I understand if you have the means and desire to rent a location, hire a dj, custom cater a formal event by all means do it. Just the thought of that feels all sort of hollow and empty for me. More like a party for the parent than for baby.

 

So here is where I am at we are going to celebrate birthday with the bigs, cousin, grandma, aunties and uncle before his birthday. He will be sharing the celebration that grandma is hosting with his other scorpio cousin who is being gracious about sharing. There will be cake, presents, family, and that will be enough of a party for his birthday. On the actual day of his birth we will do presents from me and dad, dinner and I will bake cake number two. We will not be breaking the bank on presents or expecting anyone else to. Mini is turning one all of his needs are met. There are things that I would like him to have but nothing that he needs. Being the boring mom that I am its some clothing, books and hopefully a new interactive toy to replace the bouncer he outgrew (I say hopefully because Costco sold out of the one I liked at our local branch so we need to make a grand adventure because it was less than 50% cheaper to buy it there than on Amazon). No it's not really exciting but it's enough and than some.

 

I feel horrible that for a moment there I almost bought into the competitiveness that is birthday parties for babies. He's going to be one and while it is a big mile stone it doesn't require catering and I need to remind myself that I am not a bad mom for keeping it simple and focused on baby. In fact I might be kind of a genius.

 

 

Curious George, you're a good little monkey

 

 



I have to confess a few months ago I had reached a level of burn out with Curious George. I was reading through our extensive collection and all I could think was he never really deals with any consequences what am I teaching my child. So I shelved the books and took a break. I know silly of me to worry about consequences when I am reading to someone who is still working on a good grasp of the English language. However with Halloween being earlier this week I pulled out our books looking for Curious George goes to a Costume Party. Thinking I would read a non spooky seasonal story to Mini.

Let me say I can happy reevaluate my stance on George. He doesn't need  consequence for his actions generally the issues occur when all he is trying to do is help. Who am I to tell my child to not make the effort to help others or any of the other actions that get George in to "trouble".  Worst like most toddler aged people George has no real way to fluently explain his actions or justify them. What has gotten him into trouble is either the desire to help or his curiosity. Plus he generally does deal with some sort of consquence: when he shares his snack with the zoo animals he gets in trouble with the zoo keepers, when he gets lost the man in the yellow hat has to find him, etc.  Is it perfect not really but generally we do learn a lesson from the little monkey.

So while I will be explaining it is important to wait, listen, follow instructions, etc. The monkey is back off the shelf and in the rotation. At least until the next time I need a break from his antics.