Being a stay at home mother has been both the hardest and most frustrating jobs of my career. It sounds wonderful the full one on one time with the children but ... yes there is a whole big line of buts.
But 1. People who ask "What do you do everyday" and "How come the house isn't clean". Everyday I handle the day to day operations of the house. That means everything from getting the teenager out the door to school (on time, in clean clothing, wearing deodorant, with breakfast in his belly, and his hair brushed), toddler wrangling, laundry, dishes, clean the bathrooms, buy the groceries, figure out the household finances, fret about the household finances, and anything else that might be an incidental along the way.
But 2. "How many resumes are you sending every week". Since I had the audacity to state us living on one income isn't working people tend to ask me that question. Well that depends on how many positions I find that work around my availability. I can't just jump on every opening and interview willy nilly because going to an interview means I have to have child care. So if it's not a position that is going to work for us long term it is kind of ridiculous for me to take the time, money, and drama of packing up a toddler to the sitter's in hopes that I will be able to bring home a short term paycheck.
But 3. "Why don't you do something for yourself". Things like going out to coffee, drinks, or dinner with friends cost money. Which means as I presently don't bring in money I am spending my husband's money for my leisure. While I know he doesn't begrudge me it's awful hard to justify spending a 1/3 of an hour of his work on a cup of coffee when I know there are other places it could be going. Like the never ending bills and cost of groceries.
So in short I really am doing my best. If you are coming over to see my house please book your visit weeks in advance so I can attempt to guarantee a level of cleanliness equal to your expectations. If you ask me what I did all day when you see me post about making my family a home cooked meal, going to a job interview, and managing to wrangle groceries expect the look of death and maybe some profanity slung your way. I know society expects it to be a breeze based on what we see on the television, or those cute optimistic blog posts from mommy's in higher income brackets, and as much as I wish it was all television and bonbons sometimes it's catching toddler barf in one hand while saving the email to recruiter in the other.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Being a broken hearted step mother
I don't know how else to put it. Everyday my 16 year old stepson asks me why am I angry and it's not even that I have ever been angry. It's that I am disappointed, hurt, and broken hearted by the choices that he's made and that path that he is taking. A path that he admits probably isn't going to lead him any place he really wants to go. This past year when he made the choice to move in with us my husband and I did everything to make the transition happen smoothly.
We started off with him making all the right promises.
That this year would be different he would apply himself to his academics, he would get caught up on last years classes, and no of course we wouldn't have the missing homework issues. Here it is almost at the end of the 1st semester and he has 5 Fs. I have spent time talking with him, so has my husband. Emailing the teachers for a list of the missing assignments, finding out what he needs to do to make up assignments, or why he is failing those assignments. Asking him to go in early and stay after for the assistance that is provided by his teachers. We have had to make the decision to take away the xbox, laptop, and wifi still no change. This morning I went to grab his laundry and found that he had left behind the book he needs to be reading for his English class.
There was also the chore discussion when he moved in. That everyday he needs to make some contribution to the welfare of the household. Nothing big was expected just check the garbage and recycling and if they needed to be taken out, take them out. To make sure that before he left for school any dirty clothing was in the pile for the wash and the clean and folded clothing was put away. Dishes that were had been used needed to be rinsed and in the sink. It hasn't happened, we have reverted to a similar system that I use for the toddler which is I put the clothing away for him because at some point I got tired of having the clothing I had just washed be thrown back into the dirty clothing pile because it's easier to do that way that do 5 loads of laundry a day and wonder why I am losing my damn mind. Where on the regular I do dish patrol to round up something that was left in his room. When the garbage gets full 9 times out of 10 either I take it out or the husband does because I just can't stand to have full garbage in the house.
The big 16 birthday and no driver's license or permit situation. That's because the deal was he needed to go forth and find a little job to help pay those fees if he wanted to become a driver. It's not because we are mean parents it's because driving is a huge responsibility and a privilege. So if it's desirable than we need to see some initiative. Showing us that he could go to school make passing grades and devote 10-15 hours outside of the house to contribute to that expense was the deal. So far he's made the choice to not look for a job.
In the 8 years I have been an adult in his life we have had a lot of struggles. I feel right now that I have failed somehow but I am not giving up. You don't get to give up on your kids and even if he's not biologically mine I'm not quitting. I just need a little extra faith, hope, and maybe some pixie dust. If nothing else some duct tape for my heart. There is nothing more that I want for him than to see him thrive. To find something that motivates him to do better, to be better, and to have him ready to launch safely and successfully out of the nest in the next 2 years. It's going to take even more work. Probably a lot more heartache but we will not give up.
We started off with him making all the right promises.
That this year would be different he would apply himself to his academics, he would get caught up on last years classes, and no of course we wouldn't have the missing homework issues. Here it is almost at the end of the 1st semester and he has 5 Fs. I have spent time talking with him, so has my husband. Emailing the teachers for a list of the missing assignments, finding out what he needs to do to make up assignments, or why he is failing those assignments. Asking him to go in early and stay after for the assistance that is provided by his teachers. We have had to make the decision to take away the xbox, laptop, and wifi still no change. This morning I went to grab his laundry and found that he had left behind the book he needs to be reading for his English class.
There was also the chore discussion when he moved in. That everyday he needs to make some contribution to the welfare of the household. Nothing big was expected just check the garbage and recycling and if they needed to be taken out, take them out. To make sure that before he left for school any dirty clothing was in the pile for the wash and the clean and folded clothing was put away. Dishes that were had been used needed to be rinsed and in the sink. It hasn't happened, we have reverted to a similar system that I use for the toddler which is I put the clothing away for him because at some point I got tired of having the clothing I had just washed be thrown back into the dirty clothing pile because it's easier to do that way that do 5 loads of laundry a day and wonder why I am losing my damn mind. Where on the regular I do dish patrol to round up something that was left in his room. When the garbage gets full 9 times out of 10 either I take it out or the husband does because I just can't stand to have full garbage in the house.
The big 16 birthday and no driver's license or permit situation. That's because the deal was he needed to go forth and find a little job to help pay those fees if he wanted to become a driver. It's not because we are mean parents it's because driving is a huge responsibility and a privilege. So if it's desirable than we need to see some initiative. Showing us that he could go to school make passing grades and devote 10-15 hours outside of the house to contribute to that expense was the deal. So far he's made the choice to not look for a job.
In the 8 years I have been an adult in his life we have had a lot of struggles. I feel right now that I have failed somehow but I am not giving up. You don't get to give up on your kids and even if he's not biologically mine I'm not quitting. I just need a little extra faith, hope, and maybe some pixie dust. If nothing else some duct tape for my heart. There is nothing more that I want for him than to see him thrive. To find something that motivates him to do better, to be better, and to have him ready to launch safely and successfully out of the nest in the next 2 years. It's going to take even more work. Probably a lot more heartache but we will not give up.
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