I thought I when I became a mom nothing would change I would still be me just with an awesome sidekick. All I can say is how deluded and wrong I was being a mom has made me a better person on so many levels. It’s also helped me in being a stepparent because I can put things into a different perspective. Not that I am a perfect parent I really don’t think any of us are but I think most of us are doing our best and that is perfect.
To start with being a parent has made me focus on what’s important. Is it important to make it to work on time, make it family gatherings in a timely fashion, make it to appointments on time, yes. Anything else is variable the world is not going to end if I don’t make it out the door when I’d like to run errands. If we go out to dinner and it takes us hours to finish that’s ok too. I just don’t feel an urge to rush anymore. As long as everything get’s done eventually it doesn’t matter so much to me when it gets done.
Financially I find myself being more responsible as well. Not just in paying the bills on time and making sure that groceries are bought but also in establishing savings and looking a head to the future. The same applies with discretionary expenses I used to be pretty self indulgent when it came to purchases now its easier to say do I really need/want this. Is this a good purchase that I will be happy with in the long run or am I spending money to spend money. I admit we still have our expenses my husband smokes, I buy comic books (the kids will thank me someday) and regular books. However things like a pair of on trend boots, or a new purse just don’t seem as important these days.
In regards to being a stepparent I am not a perfect one. I do my best to do right by them making sure they have needs, and wants met. I have also tried to set them on the right path with chores, manners, education, hygiene, etc; all the things that they are going to need when they start flying the nest in a few years. I would be lying to say that I have done a perfect job, while they are pretty well rounded there is a lot they need to brush up on before than. However having Mini has made me step back and realize these are not my children they are my husband’s and its not my role to do more than lovingly guide and support them and him. They are still children they are going to make mistakes and the best thing I can do is correct them now while they are still in our house and listening before they go out into the world and learn things the hard way. Where as with Mini I can make the choices and decisions I want to make with just my husband because I am “just” the step mom I don’t get an absolute say with the stepchildren and that’s ok too. They are not my children to raise.
I guess what I’m trying to say is being a mom has really made me reevaluate who I am and what is important to me. It’s kind of shocking what suddenly becomes unimportant. Are there things I would like to do for just me of course. However right now that’s not a priority right now the priorities in my life are 1 husband, 1 teenager, 2 preteens, 1 mini, oh and the cat. Basically being the mom means I didn’t change at all I just got refined into something better, Me 2.0. I probably could use some fresh lemon scent to go with it though.
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