Hi there mom,
As a step mom I do get it you never wanted to see this other woman in your kid's and now ex-husband's life. I know when you married that you thought it was once and for all and forever. However that part of life for whatever reason didn't work out let's not continue about who's fault it was or the reasons why. I'm sorry and not sorry because thanks to that I have a wonderful man in my life and bonus children that I didn't have to go into labor for.
Here's the thing I never thought I would be a step mother. I never thought that at times I would be not co-parenting with one person but with at times 2-3. It can be hard and an endurance battle especially when we don't work together. While I do my best to be positive about your parenting choices and I'm sure you do about mine please communicate with us. If I need to go out and buy pads for the teenager it's a lot easier to have a warning text or call than to be dragged out of bed at midnight. Same goes with prescription drugs trust me I will make sure they travel between our houses no one wants to endure an epic winter of strep throat because someone was worried the antibiotics wouldn't make it back. Trust me them missing a dose or more is only going to escalate our problems. The same goes with parenting choices like bed time, chores, restrictions etc. If we don't talk I have no idea what is going on besides what the kids say and if you haven't noticed at times they can be pretty opportunistic about what they will claim is allowed at the other parent's house.
Secondly, I don't do things to be deliberately mean or cruel. I am doing my best to help turn them into responsible adults who will launch successfully into the world. So when I tell them something about hygiene practices, dress code, or behavior please support me and I will do the same for you. However what you may feel is appropriate for a 12 year old girl to wear and what I feel is appropriate may differ. Also please let me know correct sizes for bras and underwear while I have been co-parenting with you I am not comfortable with taking the girls to get sized. When we shop they go into the changing room alone. If a dress or jeans or shirt fits they come out and model it. I will continue being a prude about what they wear until they are the ones who are making the money to purchase the clothing. There are way to many people who objectify young women let's keep them safe.
Thirdly, please be on board and honest with the adult talks. I am going to provide them with the answers I know to be correct. Like the sex and menses talk. I have had to do that now with all three. I get it they were at my house when they got their first periods but a little support would be super. Like reviewing why we wrap the pad. It's all fun and games until my bathroom stinks and cat has a used pad stuck to his fur. The same about hygiene I hate being the one who has to remind the oldest boy that he gets a funk going. I will buy the articles for all of them. As in previous months and years I will even buy a duplicate for your home. Just encourage the use. If you don't need me to make the purchase just communicate.
Oh and school and activities are important. I'm sure you like us feel like a complete idiot when you hear about grades, sporting events, social events, and etc after they have passed. I don't need to be invited to the mommy and me tea but you can bet when the oldest who lives with us has something going on you will be told. All I ask is that if you can show up. If you can't call or text and say something kind or supportive. The same goes for the negative if you ground the girls at your house and it's time for the weekend switch tell us so we can follow the rules. The same when the boy looses privileges for poor grades. If you let him play on the video games all weekend at your house of course he's going to see the double standard.
We are in this together. We can either hate each other for the next 5+ years until all the children are successfully launched into the world or we can smile and repress our feelings in favor a semi functional working relationship.
Sincerely,
The other mother
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